Goals-short term

Every one has goals, whether they put that into term or not. Whether they be short term or long term. Goals are. Good thing to have, and re-evaluate them every so often. Check off the ones you've completed & add new ones, see how far away from one you may be, or to see if you've lost track completely. That's my problem. I loose track or loose focus. Which, is not a very good thing. I let life get in the way, and I shouldn't. I have three main focus in my life. My spouse, my kids & myself. I usually put myself last, but not anymore. My health is important. I usually neglect my husband due to my kids, and honestly that's a terrible mistake. Think about it, if you & your spouses relationship isn't right, how are you teaching your kids anything? (Just my opinion) My kids always want me. I'm the favorite when it comes to my husband & I. I believe most stay at home moms would agree. They are with me, always, I'm the one during the day that gets them what they need, want & so much more. But, that needs to change. They need to see that daddy loves them just the same & is here for them too. Straying from topic, my apologizes- goals. I wanted to write out my goals & share them with my readers. Gain some encourgement, opinions & feedback. So- here it goes. 

My fitness goal- I've always been overweight. I used to eat when I was sad, board, or just thought I was hungry. I had this obsession I guess, with eating. None of it was healthy, no portion control, no cares- nothing! No one ever knew my true weight. I always got teased in school. It bothered me, but I never saw anyone that truly cared about their body so I thought, "this is it; I'll be like this forever" I got married, had 3 beautiful, handsome sweet boys- my biggest was 8 pounds 9 ounces & that was my first! My last was 8 pounds 4 ounces & Gabriel was my smallest, at 7 pounds 9 ounces... This year, I found Advocare! I found out, I don't have to always eat, or eat unhealthy, and water is super yummy! I'm just over 2 weeks soda free, and I'm so happy! I've lost an inch in 4 areas, so four inches in all & I've lost 2 pounds! I have a few goals in my fitness area- to be a size 14 before Isaiah's 1st birthday. I have 4 months! I can do this! To go a full month with no soda! I'm two weeks down, only 2 more to go!! & to work out 5 days a week to the Thirty Day Sherd, because I need a structured routine to keep me going (day 1 complete) These may seem simple to some, but to me, these things aren't easy, and don't come easy to someone who's overweight. I want to be a healthy mom, not just a fit mom, but healthy & I want to show my kids that being healthy is easy, and rewarding! Next....

My wifely goal- I would like to read Gods word every morning with my husband. Pray every morning with him, before he goes to work, and make us breakfast at least 5 days a week. I would like to show him that I can handle my household duties & my workout duties no problem. I would like for him to see in my actions that I love him & I want to encourge him more. I want him to know every day that I'm proud of him. I want to pack his lunch every morning and put little love notes in it or encouging words in it. I want to wake up with him every morning without being grumpy. I want to kiss him at least 3 times a day! I want him to feel like he's the luckiest man around. 

My kids- let's start with Isaiah, he's simple for now. Isaiah needs a structure(ish) schedule. I want to feed him 3 times a day if he lets me along with his nursings. I want to read to him at least twice a day, and I want to pray with him twice a day. Gabriel, I want to sit down with him twice a week and work on letter recognition, saying his abcs not singing & coloring. I want to teach him scriptures, during these times & pray with him. I want to read to him several times a day & cut out the television. I want to encourge active play, & really how he learns. I want to be more aggressive with potty training & have him potty trained before he's 3- I have four months. Elijah, I want to sit down with him 3 times a week work on writing, sight words, and numbers-writing them & counting higher. I want to teach him Gods word & pray with him twice a day, and read to him as well. I'd like to start morning walks after breakfast & cut out television with him too. I want to make it a rewards system. I want to teach him responsibly- just haven't figured that one out yet.

I know this may seem like a lot, but if I get up with Matthew, do my workout, eat breakfast & do my daily housework, being able to focus on the boys after they wake up, will come easy. Will I be tired? Yes! Lately I've been going to bed shorty after 8:30, but it's been great! I think I can do this. I will update on my progress in a week, and we'll see how much I actually did. I know my first week will be rough, and maybe even my second week, but I'm determined to do this! I love my family, and myself and I want some changes happening in this house! 

Elijah can write his name 

Sweet Isaiah 7.5 months 

Gabriel can take naps, when he's super tired 😉

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

The Struggle

I never thought I would be typing this, but everyone struggles with something, and my struggle happens to be a few things. I'm struggling loosing weight. It just doesn't seem to want to go. It breaks my heart. Many have no clue how much it depresses me, or affects my every day life. Not many people know how much I weight, and I guess I'm at weight where I'm stuck and I'm going to have to work super hard for it to go. I hear people say, it's not the number on the scale that matters, but what they don't understand is, it does matter! It matters because it's super unhealthy. I get that inches count, but I haven't noticed any inches lost. I get "you need to make sure you're hydrated" "You need to make sure you're eating enough" "workout 5 days a week and rest 2" I'm doing it all! I'm kicking butt and taking names! I'm way more active now than I was two weeks ago. I'm eating healthier, and haven't had soda in 11 days- which is a huge accomplishment! But, good news is, I'm happier now than I was two weeks ago, I have more energy now, and I'm getting much better sleep at night! Wanna know my secret? Just ask me!

Now, I'll give you an update on the boys!

Elijah is wilder and crazier than ever! I'm not even kidding! He's lying, he's being mean, says he doesn't want to play, and he'd rather watch tv! I swear he thinks he's 14-15 years old! Its driving me batty! I can't wait until he starts school! It will give us both a much needed break from each other! He's getting taller and slender! He's super strong! He can write his name, and knows all his letters and can recognize them all! He knows 0-10 and can count up to 12. We're working on past 12. He knows all his colors! He's a great big brother! He loves helping me with Isaiah! He loves trying to help Gabriel potty train! He is truly an amazing helper, he just needs an attitude adjustment, and needs to learn that lying is bad.

Gabriel is huge! He's 33 pounds & pretty short for his age, but you'd never tell. He's in 3T shirts and 2T bottoms. His blonde curly hair is to die for! Everyone just loves it! He's known for getting himself hurt. This past weekend he dove into concrete TWICE with his head! He didn't let it stop him though! Tough little man! He also copies every single thing Elijah does! His most annoying trait lately! He eats and eats and eats, but when it comes to supper time, he most of the time refuses to eat. He's almost potty trained, but still has some improvement to make, but I think he's doing great!

Isaiah is tiny! His last weight check he had lost weight, can I loose weight? No one would question it. haha! He's 7.5 months old! He's wearing 3-6 & 6 month clothes. He's 95% cloth diapered, he wears disposables to church. He crawls, pulls up on everything, and even walked the couch yesterday! He nurses on average 4-5 times a day, and eats 4 jars of food a day- usually. He also eats cheerios, and finger foods! He loves feeding himself! He loves to go on walks in the ergo, he's never been on a stroller ride, yet! He is very attached to me lately, which is kinda hard. If I'm in the kitchen he'll cry and crawl all the way too me. He doesn't like for me to put him somewhere and me not be in sight. But, he's a sweet boy! He has awesome cuddles, and loves to be sweet!

Time for me to go make some yummy dinner so we can go on a walk later! I hope you enjoyed my blog. Nothing special, but I took the time to write it.

I know God is always with me.

Mommy & Weight update

Most days I hear the word mommy on average 50-100 times a day. It's either "mommy, come look" "mommy, let me show you something" "mommy, can I have?" "Mommy, will you please..." Sometimes, I feel like I'm only mommy. I clean up after messes, I change an endless amount of diapers, I bath kids, I get in the floor beside them, I tickle them, I run to get things, such as grociers, buying clothes, I cook breakfast, been cooking lunch most days now, cook dinner, I clean up after everyone, I fold clothes, I put them up, I vacumm, sweep, mop, Lysol toys... I think I get lost in being mommy. I'm not just mommy. I'm Mandy too. I'm a wife. I married my loving, not so romantic, husband seven years ago. He tries to be be loving when he comes home from work, but, I think by then I'm all touched out. I have three kids tugging on me, holding one a lot of the time, two of them crawling all over me, trying to sit as close as possible to me as they can. I don't know how to become untouched out. I have a lot on my plate lately. Let me explain. 

So, since christmas, my mom and I haven't been so mom-like. While we were home for Christmas, she blew us off, she only saw us for a day and a half, out of the two weeks we were home. When we left she decided to finally talk to me & tell me to have a nice trip home-back to Missouri- so I felt like she was being sarcastic, and ignored her. After he got back here about three weeks ago, she asked me for some papers from a dog my husband and I used to have, and gave back to them, I asked her why she wanted them, that was it, and she wanted to say she didn't need to be questioned and she wasn't going to deal with that. So, I once again, left it alone, and went back to my life. Matthew had a PT test, about a week later, and four days later she messaged me, and texted me twice, and asked me "did he pass his test?" Matthew told me when he came home, that if anyone wanted to know the results they could ask him, he wanted to weed out the unimportant people, because the results were a deciding factor weather or not he was staying on the military or getting out. So I told her, "he rather tell you himself, please ask him" and she got all mad about that. Jumped down my throat, so Matthew finally told me to not reply back to her because she's not understanding. But she's also blasting things over Facebook. Throwing pitty parties, it's so annoying. I have other things to worry about. I'm wondering if we are leaving Missouri in Aug or if he's going to extend. I'm trying to help us get out of debt, I'm trying to work out and eat healthy, and be a better person for everyone around me. Every time I think of my mom, I find myself praying asking God to show me what to do, guide me in the right way to handle things, to stay calm when I see her post things. 

So, speaking of working out, I'm trying to find motivation, but it's not easy. I did do a mid day work out today, I felt like I was getting lazy, and I needed to get up and do something. So, I did some tri-cep dips , crunches, squats, a minute of jumping jacks, jogging in place, push ups, and arm curls as Gabriel being my weight, and he's 30ish pounds & mountain climbers! That's the most I've done in one sitting. I'm hoping to meet my step goal today, before I go to bed. I've lost a total of 5 pounds in almost two weeks, now if I keep up with my working out, I should hopefully continue to lose, not many people know, but I started out at 240-not my heaviest weight, my heaviest was while I pregnant, I don't recall the most it was close to 250. The lightest I recall being is 201-205. When I got pregnant with Isaiah I was 230 (yuck!) I was 215 when I got pregnant with Elijah and Gabriel & as much as I want another baby before Matthew gets out of the military, I don't want to get pregnant at my current weight. It will not be healthy. So, now, if you've read this, please block out all those numbers- I'll update when I loose more weight. 

Thanks for reading!! 

Struggles

It's hard sometimes to find a balance. I'm a wife, mom, and a friend. Each of those go into other catorgioes such as, lover, caregiver, kisser of the boo boos, a listener, a shoulder to cry on. I've stopped trying to find myself, because I already know who I am. I am, Mandy, I'm twenty-four years old, a wife of seven years to a husband that I struggle to have intimacy with-mostly my own fault, I'm never in the mood, or I'm too tired. I'm a mother to three little boys, a four year old whom begs to go to school and due to our stupidity in finances over the course of six and a half years, we can't afford to pay for preschool, and he's too smart for free preschool in the area. A two year old who is so tender-hearted and just wants love, but acts out because he's still learning, and doesn't fully understand that their are consequences for being "bad" or not obeying, or being disrecwprful. A four month old, that only desires love, food, and to be cleaned. I am a friend to a lot of people who just need me to listen to their problems, to need some kid free time from there own rugrats. 

I find it hard sometimes to relay on God for everything. He says to bring my burdens to him, that he'll carry them for me, that they are no longer mine. But, I feel as if I must carry these due to my own stupidity. Thankfully my husband and I have come to the conclusion that we haven't been finically smart, and we saw this before it was too late. Now, we are paying for it. I'm babysitting, making cash to pay for things, to put towards debt, we are using all of our tax return to pay off what we can, hopefully everything credit card wise and have a little left over to put in the bank to prepare for life outside the military, because that will be coming sooner rather than later. We are trying to eat healthier, and exercise together. We are trying to figure out if we want another baby, or if we should wait, wait a lot longer than our usual gap. He's ready, he says. But I've noticed his patience isn't what it used to be. Things with number four will be different, much different than number two and three and different than number one. 

My husband desires a daughter. Badly- we've had a girl name for over three years now. It's perfect for our family, but I know that if it's another boy, he will be upset. He will feel like he can't make me happy, because of course, most women want a daughter as well, but I will feel

Like I've let him down too- I think before a fourth is conceived, we should do a lot of praying and seeking Gods counsel. 

Everything I've spoken of tonight is struggles I deal with on a daily basis. Even more struggles than these, these are just ones I'll share tonight. 

Most of the Time

Most of the time, I'm tired. Most of the time, my preschooler is yelling "mommy come check out what I build you and daddy, and Gabriel & Isaiah". Most of the time, my toddler is yelling, crying or messy. Most of the time, I feel like I'm not going to make it through the day, or that I'm going to go crazy, or worse, I've lost my mind. Most of the time, my tv is on & no one, not even the kids are watching it. Most of the time my house is a mess. Most of the time, dirty dishes line my sink. Most of the time, my living room is a mess, and oh don't get me started onthe play room, I try to remember to have the boys clean it before bed, but sometimes bed time is so hectic I forget. Most of the time, I have all these great ideas to help teach my boys things, but I never do them. Most of the times, I feel like a horrible mom! 

But, then at the end of the day I look back on my day and the things I remember are... Hearing my toddler laugh because we have tickle wars, hearing my toddler ask me in his sweet voice "mommy pease" or mommy my poop" (that one should get you to smile! And yes I hear it on a daily basis!) also? I smile when I recall my preschooler coming to me saying, "mommy I build my Legos, close your eyes & see what I build" or seeing him playing with my toddler, or seeing him get his infant brother smile. That melts my heart. Or/ I recall him asking me, ever so sweetly, "mommy can I hold him?" Referring to his infant brother. I smile when I think about the times of getting in the floor & playing with my boys. Seeing all of them smile & hearing their laughs- it reminds me that I'm not a bad mom, that I love my kids, & that im just trying to find that balance between all of them, housework & being a wife.

I pray every day that I can better myself as my roles change on an hourly basis. That I can find my balance & that would give me a heart of love.