Most of the time, I'm tired. Most of the time, my preschooler is yelling "mommy come check out what I build you and daddy, and Gabriel & Isaiah". Most of the time, my toddler is yelling, crying or messy. Most of the time, I feel like I'm not going to make it through the day, or that I'm going to go crazy, or worse, I've lost my mind. Most of the time, my tv is on & no one, not even the kids are watching it. Most of the time my house is a mess. Most of the time, dirty dishes line my sink. Most of the time, my living room is a mess, and oh don't get me started onthe play room, I try to remember to have the boys clean it before bed, but sometimes bed time is so hectic I forget. Most of the time, I have all these great ideas to help teach my boys things, but I never do them. Most of the times, I feel like a horrible mom!
But, then at the end of the day I look back on my day and the things I remember are... Hearing my toddler laugh because we have tickle wars, hearing my toddler ask me in his sweet voice "mommy pease" or mommy my poop" (that one should get you to smile! And yes I hear it on a daily basis!) also? I smile when I recall my preschooler coming to me saying, "mommy I build my Legos, close your eyes & see what I build" or seeing him playing with my toddler, or seeing him get his infant brother smile. That melts my heart. Or/ I recall him asking me, ever so sweetly, "mommy can I hold him?" Referring to his infant brother. I smile when I think about the times of getting in the floor & playing with my boys. Seeing all of them smile & hearing their laughs- it reminds me that I'm not a bad mom, that I love my kids, & that im just trying to find that balance between all of them, housework & being a wife.
I pray every day that I can better myself as my roles change on an hourly basis. That I can find my balance & that would give me a heart of love.
