The title of my blog isn't what you think. I'm not here to tell you all some bad horrible news, complain about my pregnancy, or anything like that. I was trying to come up with a title, and I started listening to Mikeschair, Let the Water Rise, and the first few words were "...Can't control my fear.." Let me tell you what I think this song is talking about.... In my words, Satan is trying to control your life, and you're not letting him get to you. You're going to follow God, no matter where he takes you, you don't care, you know that he's in control. If you don't know about this song, please do check it out. Mikeschair, Let the water rise
I'm listening to this song, knowing that God is always here for me, never going to let the water pull me under. I'm going to follow him, because he has the perfect will for my life. I want that will, I wouldn't have it any other way. I know I've done my time of straying away, trying my own thing, everyone does. No one is perfect, I would never want to be perfect, it's to hard to do, but what I want to do is be a great person for God. Thats hard too, but if I set my mind in the right place, everyday and have determintation, I think I can do it.
I know that God is awesome, I know that he is helping me every singal day. I mean, I've got to have help. I'm pregnant, and this is my first, and if it was up to me, will be my last for a long time. I don't like throwing up. I cried yesterday because I felt myself getting sick, and I'm so sick of getting sick. I don't want to throw up. It's nasty, it's hard to do, and it makes me cry. I want to be able to eat, and not pick at my food. I want to be able to eat what I am used to eating, drink what i'm used to drinking (Sweet tea) I want to be able to sleep well, and not wake up at midnight and not go back til 2 or 3am. I want to be able to wake up at 8am and not feel like I could throw up all over the bed. I know this sounds like I"m complaining, and maybe I am, but I'm sorry. I don't know how to deal with these things. My mother in law is over 800 miles away, I can't just go down the street and be with her, and he give me encouraging words, or I can't go to my mother, she works (yet again) and I don't know if I am ready to call her. {ready or not, I'm going to have to before Monday to get some questions answered for my doctors appointmet} There is a new story on her and I getting along. We aren't getting along, or playing nice, but, kinda coming around. I've forgiven her, now i just have to wait until I'm able to talk to her on the phone. I was pushing a good record for not talking to her, it was going on 2 months, I've gone a heck of a lot longer, but, my nanny passed away while Matthew and I were home for his RAP. Which was terrible, but I'm okay with it. She's now finally with my papa, it took her like 7 or 8 years, she wanted to get what God had for her here until she met up with him. I miss her dearly, I was pretty close to her, but I know she's "In Better Hands Now"
I know that some people feel like pregnant women are nuts, and very emotional, but we aren't nuts, we really can't help that our emotions are all over the place. I mean we have a baby growing inside us, at first our bodies want to reject it, because it doesn't know what it is, but then once your body gets normal again (if that happens) we just more emotional because we see our baby growing up. I mean, what in the world were our parents thinking when they saw us first smile? heard our first cry? what were they thinking as they carried us for nine long months? or in my mother in laws last case, 10 months? I mean look at the sickness we caused them, now we are just getting what we caused, right? Wrong. I think we get what God wants us to get. He isn't going to give us more then we can handle, he puts the most that we can, and see how we handle it. Thats just what I think.
Anyways, I think I've written enough. I'm just all over the place today. Why? Because thats where my thought just lead me. I hope you like, and enjoy. I enjoyed writing it. I like telling you all, (whoever you all are) what I'm thinking. I like to think some of you care, and I know most of you do. :) Thanks! :)
It sure does suck throwing up :[ I don't know how you feel, but I get this "lump" in my throat. And then a huge wave of nausea will come over me, and I know I better head to the bathroom. It's bad. This morning I got out of bed to turn the fan off, and I threw up. Just from getting out of bed. Ugh! I guess I do feel better after I throw up, so that is a plus. But tonight I nearly died at the mall and when I got home, as you know :[ Hopefully the sickness phase passes for us very soon. I'm excited about your first appointment. I hope it goes well! I asked them if I could lay down when I gave my blood (they were going to have me sit in a chair), and that REALLY helped. I just watched Mark and didn't even look. so hopefully you won't get sick giving all that blood either! My ultrasound is March 31, and my next appointment is April 5. I wonder what I'll do at my next appointment! I have no idea!
ReplyDeleteSo, you had to give blood at your first appointment? Yeah, I usually have to lay down when I give blood. Or else I faint. I don't get sick, i just faint, pass out, what ever. I have to sleep with fan on, on me all night. or esle, I don't get the sleep I get. I burn up at night. I can't wait to hear how your ultersound goes, and your next appointment. :)
ReplyDeleteThe sickness will pass, is what I keep saying, when I have a chance to say it. :D
I love the attitude that you have about your Nanny's passing. I had a family member pass in May from cancer and that was the attitude that we had as well. I think that it helps to keep in mind that they are in the best place ever, where there's no suffering, and they are just praising the Lord all day! and that we will see them again. :)
ReplyDeleteI hope your first appointment goes well! I can't say a lot about the blood drawing because I donnate blood regularly and I have never had a problem with feeling liteheaded or passing out. I will pray that you will be fine and that they will let you lie down for it. I hear that the heartburn goes away but one thing my friend did was she took a little heartburn medicine about 30 minutes before she ate anything (her doctor told her this) and she said that after the first few times of doing this, it really helped.
Thanks. And I"m glad I have a good attitude about it too. Matthew was afraid I wasn't going to have a good attitude about it. He was scared I was going to be mad at him for not being able to go to the funneral, but I"m not. He offered, and I rejected his offer. We needed to get on the road.
ReplyDeleteThank you for prayers. They are really needed, and well appercaited. I really need a lot of prayers. I could not give blood on a regular base. Matthew givesd blood sometimes. When the oppertunity arises. Heartburn is just something I deal with, unless it gets really bad. Like I only have to take something somedays, but it usually goes away. Not everything gives me heartburn so I don't want to take something everyday before I eat. But, thanks so much for the suggestion. :) You're a good friend. :D