Things That Have been on My Mind

Since I've been pregnant I've had a lot of things on my mind. Maybe I shouldn't think about them so much, but I can't help it. I have a lot of time on my hands. If I had things to do during the day like shop or scrapbook more, I wouldn't probably care so much. I've got to get these things off my chest and I know the wonderful people who read these care about me, so please don't think I'm complaining about our family or dogging any one out, I just need to vent. I would call someone, but we have horrible service in our house. So, please no one take this the wrong way, and to let you know I'm looking at the whole picture. I promise.

Matthew and I have lived in Missouri for almost 3 months now, and I tell you I do miss our families but talking to my mom on facebook or getting a phone call once in a while helps. Matthew doesn't show his emotions very often, and he's good at hiding them. He doesn't tell me things that bother him, but I know that not hearing from his family bothers him. I tell him that my mom called or that we talked on facebook and I tell him things that are going on at home and he doesn't seem to care, because it's the same ole stuff; dogs, my dad, or crazy drama that happens back home. But, he doesn't hear from his family, at all. He has to call them, and he has busy days, stressful days, and he's pretty tired when he gets home. But, if his family would call to see how he's doing would be nice. If they would see how work was going, or something like that. Ya know? I know that his mom isn't working anymore, I know that she's getting ready for Leah's graduation, and for Jeremiah leaving for Afgan. I know that must be pretty hard on his mom, knowing that her youngest son is going to a war zone. But, talking to someone on the phone, we all have verizon, talking to her oldest son on the phone, re-forming a great realtionship with him is possible. I don't mean to say they have a bad realtionship, but Matthew just doesn't have a communication realtionship with his parents. They'll talk, every so often when they do call, but it's nothing personal.

Another thing I've been thinking about is, our son/daughter may not have a realtionship with either side of our family, and I guess it's our fault because we live so far away, but, I post pictures, I post blogs, and things on facebook about my appointments and I never hear anything from his family. My mom calls and asks how was the appointment, or when I call her she'll ask me how it went.

I called his dad last week when we had really bad weather, and told him it was really bad weather, I wanted him to pray for us, well, the storm passed and I was still on the phone with him, I went into the kitchen to finish dinner, and I lost signal, I took Matthew my phone and asked him to call his dad back to talk to him, because I lost signal, and he had no signal either, and we never heard from his dad again, now, what happens after the baby comes? When we are on the phone and we lose signal and I'm feeding the baby or changing the baby, are they going to call back to check on us? Or just leave us hanging?!

His mom said over two months ago that she had a changing table, car seat, playpin, and something else for me, she said I'll put up some pictures on facebook so you can see them, well I've never seen pictures, Matthew asked her about the pictures, and she said she was having problems with facebook uploading pictures, ok, I can understand that, I have the same problems sometimes, so Matthew said email them to her, and she said ok, I have recieved nothing in my email, and it's been over 2 months. Since then she has posted pictures of her daughters prom pictures on facebook. She's been on facebook since. I've asked her on her facebook about the pictures it was I'm chagning the house around, I've been busy, ok, well it's been over 2 months, so, when we ordered th crib, it came with a changing table and a dresser, so, we go it all, we  I finally gave up on getting the changing table from his mom, she saw my baby registry and it has the Winnie the Pooh carseat and Stroller, and she commented on that saying she had the carseat for me, well how do I know it's a good carseat? She got all this from a consignment store. How old is the carseat, carseats do expire. It's a all in one carseat, it grows with the baby, and thats great and all, but I've always wanted a Winnie the Pooh Theme nursery. Ever since I was in highschool, and once the baby outgrows the winnie the pooh carseat I'll have the one Matthew's mom "got" for us. Well, she has never showed me pictures, and how do I know they are still good? How do I know if they've been recalled? I don't. :/ So, I'm going to get my Winnie the Pooh stuff, why? Because it's my baby! MY baby, yes it's her grandbaby, but my baby, and I love her help, but she hasn't given any. I still don't know if they are coming in Oct for the birth, or when they will be here. And the thing about all these things she "got" the baby, wouldn't be here until they got here. But I'm sorry, I need a carseat when we leave the hosptail, they wont let you leave without one. 

Another thing I've been thinking about too much while I've been pregnant is, not getting all the things I need for the baby before he gets here. I know I still have a while to go, but thus far I've only gotten a few things. Yes, I'm very very thankful for all the things I've gotten, and feels very blessed for all the people who have gotten me things. Of course we can't get clothes yet, because it's still summer, but I want to stock up on loation, diapers, blankets. I know, I know, I'm crazy, I think it's just a first time mom thing.


Well here is what happened at my appointment. I've gained 5 pounds more then what they would want me too, but I'm going to start eatting better, and walking and going to the gym with Matthew. My blood pressure is great. :) All my blood work has came back good, My next blood test will be my glucose test, and she said most likely at my next appointment. Heartbeat is around 150. He's still very very low. He's usually on my right side near my pelvic bone. I measured 20 weeks. :)


Now, before I post this I want eveyone to know I love my inlaws and know that they have a lot going on, but I think they could communicate with at least Matthew more then what they do. I just needed to get this off my chest. I hope none of you think I'm being mean, or anything, I just needed to talk to someone about this. I know that none of you will judge me, or at least I hope you wont. Please just know I needed to do this.

M&M Dec 08

Loving what I see

Well yesterday some of you know that a friend took some pictures of me, and needless to say I had a blast! I can't wait to do it again! The girl who did my photos is my best friend here. She's like a sister to me, and I'm so blessed to have met her! She and I not only get along, but we look so much alike. We like most of the same things, only thing that is making us twins are our age, and she's from the North, and I'm from the South. I love sweet tea, and she hates it. lol! But, anyways, when she came over yesterday and took my pictures when I finally saw them online I freaked out because they were so beautiful. I'm going to show you my all time favorites. Once I start to scrapbook my pregnancy I will be putting these in the book! So here you go!

So the last one is my favorite of all. I love how she got both of our wedding bands in the picture. Matthew wasn't going to be in any of the pictures, but I talked him into it. 

Matthew ordered the crib last night. So it will be coming soon! Then the room will start looking like a baby room! I can't wait! I'm super excited. I have only 15 more days until we find out the sex. I'm still set on a boy. But, I've come to the state of mind that if God gives us a girl, thats the best thing for us. I will cry for a little bit, but I know that God knows what he is doing for us. But, I don't want any one saying, "Haha I told you it was a girl" taunting me. I don't think that is nice. I'm not getting the ultrasound to prove anyone wrong, I'm doing it to have the pictures, to have the expercince. I could careless why people think I'm doing it. I've noticed that this pregnancy has made me more bold, and much more emotional. Which I think I like.

The reason I titled this "Loving what I see" Is because I'm loving how I'm changing with this pregnancy. I'm loving how I'm not scared of labor or delivery.  I love that I'm getting over it may being a girl, even though I don't think it's a girl. I love how I don't care what people think. I love how I'm starting to just stop thinking about Matthew's parents. (You may ask why am I know thinking of them?) Well because, his mom doesn't talk to us, they don't call, and I know that works two ways, but most days I feel horrible, and i'm resting, or either I feel great and I'm out and about. But his mom promised me pictures on some things she got the baby a little longer then a month ago and haven't heard or seen anything, so I've just stopped thinking about it. I don't care about it anymore.

Well I think this covers all the things I'm loving at this time. I hope yall enjoyed this one, because I enjoyed writing it. :)

Can't control my fear

The title of my blog isn't what you think. I'm not here to tell you all some bad horrible news, complain about my pregnancy, or anything like that. I was trying to come up with a title, and I started listening to Mikeschair, Let the Water Rise, and the first few words were "...Can't control my fear.." Let me tell you what I think this song is talking about.... In my words, Satan is trying to control your life, and you're not letting him get to you. You're going to follow God, no matter where he takes you, you don't care, you know that he's in control. If you don't know about this song, please do check it out. Mikeschair, Let the water rise 
  I'm listening to this song, knowing that God is always here for me, never going to let the water pull me under. I'm going to follow him, because he has the perfect will for my life. I want that will, I wouldn't have it any other way. I know I've done my time of straying away, trying my own thing, everyone does. No one is perfect, I would never want to be perfect, it's to hard to do, but what I want to do is be a great person for God. Thats hard too, but if I set my mind in the right place, everyday and have determintation, I think I can do it.

I know that God is awesome, I know that he is helping me every singal day. I mean, I've got to have help. I'm pregnant, and this is my first, and if it was up to me, will be my last for a long time. I don't like throwing up. I cried yesterday because I felt myself getting sick, and I'm so sick of getting sick. I don't want to throw up. It's nasty, it's hard to do, and it makes me cry. I want to be able to eat, and not pick at my food. I want to be able to eat what I am used to eating, drink what i'm used to drinking (Sweet tea) I want to be able to sleep well, and not wake up at midnight and not go back til 2 or 3am. I want to be able to wake up at 8am and not feel like I could throw up all over the bed. I know this sounds like I"m complaining, and maybe I am, but I'm sorry. I don't know how to deal with these things. My mother in law is over 800 miles away, I can't just go down the street and be with her, and he give me encouraging words, or I can't go to my mother, she works (yet again) and I don't know if I am ready to call her. {ready or not, I'm going to have to before Monday to get some questions answered for my doctors appointmet} There is a new story on her and I getting along. We aren't getting along, or playing nice, but, kinda coming around. I've forgiven her, now i just have to wait until I'm able to talk to her on the phone. I was pushing a good record for not talking to her, it was going on 2 months, I've gone a heck of a lot longer, but, my nanny passed away while Matthew and I were home for his RAP. Which was terrible, but I'm okay with it. She's now finally with my papa, it took her like 7 or 8 years, she wanted to get what God had for her here until she met up with him. I miss her dearly, I was pretty close to her, but I know she's "In Better Hands Now"

I know that some people feel like pregnant women are nuts, and very emotional, but we aren't nuts, we really can't help that our emotions are all over the place. I mean we have a baby growing inside us, at first our bodies want to reject it, because it doesn't know what it is, but then once your body gets normal again (if that happens) we just more emotional because we see our baby growing up. I mean, what in the world were our parents thinking when they saw us first smile? heard our first cry? what were they thinking as they carried us for nine long months? or in my mother in laws last case, 10 months? I mean look at the sickness we caused them, now we are just getting what we caused, right? Wrong. I think we get what God wants us to get. He isn't going to give us more then we can handle, he puts the most that we can, and see how we handle it. Thats just what I think. 
Anyways, I think I've written enough. I'm just all over the place today. Why? Because thats where my thought just lead me. I hope you like, and enjoy. I enjoyed writing it. I like telling you all, (whoever you all are) what I'm thinking. I like to think some of you care, and I know most of you do. :) Thanks! :)