Is this a dream?

I know that some people think I am crazy, but I'm not. I just want people to know what's going through my mind as this pregnancy keeps going. My first appointment is Monday, and I'm not sure what will be going on at this appointment, I will be almost 12 weeks, and it upsets me to know this is my first appointment. And I don't want to blame anyone, or anything for it being so late. But, I'm sick of being in limbo we don't have a real place to live. All our clothes are in the floor, we need to do laundry, the dinner table has all kinds of paper work on it, a printer in the box, we have clothes in the bedroom on the floor, we have paper work in the bedroom floor as well. This place is a mess, and I just wish we had a place of our own. I know, I know, we are just starting out at a new base, and we need to give them time, we need to be paitent and be thankful for what we have, but, I'm so sick of being in LIMBO.
I'm not sure where these thoughts are coming from. I guess I've been holding them back from everyone even Matthew. We don't talk to family much anymore, they don't call, we don't call, it's kind of sad too. I mean, I never know when they are busy, and it's an hour differnce, which doesn't seem like a big differnce, but it really is. I don't feel like this is real. The pregnancy, being at Whiteman, nothing seems real right now. I feel like I'm in a dream, and I can't wake up. Which isn't good, because I want to wake up, I want to have a house, I don't want to be scared of the blood tests that I'm going to have to do the next 6 and a half months, I want to have a great a great time with Matthew and not have to worry about money... I refuse to tell you all how much money is in our account. We weren't able to save up $20,000 or even $2,000. We are very happy to have WIC, we wouldn't be ashamed to have Food Stamps, those things would help us so much, and people that don't have jobs, and no desire to get a job can get them, why can't we? I'm so tired of throwing up. I've thrown up 3 times, today was the thrid time. It was my lunch. I think I'm starting to be a pro at throwing up. :/
I want to paint my nails so bad, but I can't, all my nail polish is in storage. I wont be able to get that out of storage until we get a house, we can't get a house until housing offers us one, they can't offer us one until inspections are done, and no one know's when that is. The houese here are so pretty. Why can't we get a house soon? I know that God is helping us, and I think he may be waiting for payday before he gets us a house. Since right now, we don't have the money to pay TLF he may be sparing us for now. I hope he is. :) LOL!
Well, I have to do something about these clothes, Matthew asked me to seperate them before he got "home" so I must do that. Trust me, if this sounds sad, or mean, I didn't mean for it to be. I just wanted to let you all know how I was feeling. I wanted you all to know I'm scared out of my mind, and I don't know how to handle things right now, but I know that I'm going to fine.

Please keep Laura in your prayers. I know she's doing fine, and I know that she's going to make it, but prayers always help. And I just got word from my mother in law that she recieved a letter for me, from Laura at home, so I can't wait to get that in the mail here! I'll let you all know how she's really doing! But please keep praying, and thinking of her!