Life sometimes throw something at your way that you may not fully understand, and I don't like those moments at all. Things that you can't gripe with any understanding at all. At the moment you don't know if it's wrong, right or somewhere in between. We all usually assume the worse in every situation, then, a friend takes you to wal-mart at one o'clock at night and you start to try to figure out what just happened.
God has shown me Proverbs 31, which he showed that to me shortly after Matthew and I got married. I tried studying it when I was a senior in high school--yes I was in high school, but that's beside that point. Matthew and I have recently looked at it, and he's tried breaking it down to me, and yes I get it now, but it's so hard to be the virtuous woman if anyone has been able to do it, and do it perfectly please contact me, let me know your secret. Sometimes I feel like the worlds worst wife. No, I'm not always perky when I see my husband. Yes I have stress and no way to let it out. No I don't always cook a home cooked meal. The clothes aren't always washed when they need to be, or put away. My house is usually always a mess, and it's never good enough for me. I never seem to get enough sleep at night. I'm not a morning person, so waking up even at 8am is not my thing, so waking up before my husband to have him a breakfast before he goes to work is not on my list of things to do-- I do get and get his uniform out for him, when he's on days though. I don't always say the wisest things. I don't always look great for my husband, he's so against makeup that he won't buy it for me, and if I get it I have to keep it from him, because he hates it that much!
The things I like about myself my husband usually doesn't like. I love to curl my hair. I would love to color it, or at least put highlights in it, or low lights. I love putting on makeup. And I love putting on clothes that bring out my great features--for my husband of course. It's crazy, because now that we have been married for 4 years, I will put on a shirt that I think is too low cut to go out in public in and we will "argue" about it because he will say it looks fine and I will eventually go take it off and put something I guess a little more "modest" But Matthew on the other hand, doesn't like my hair curled, he rather it be straight. He doesn't want me to color, highlight, or low light my hair, he likes it natural-- yes I do have really pretty natural highlights but still. He hates the fact that I love makeup. I don't know if it is because when I was growing up I saw my mom put on makeup, and when she did my dad would be like,"oh you look so pretty" (Yes he did compliment her when she didn't have makeup too) and my mom would buy me makeup when I was a teenager.
I'm starting to re-think the TTC thing, until after a while. I don't know if I'll keep trying, I'll let you all know in a few days or weeks. We are trying to move into our new house, I've posted some pictures on facebook. I've found some work that needs to be done, but it's not major work, so it's not to bad.
I hope this blog helps yall to understand what I'm trying to say. I know I may sound depressed, I'm really not, I promise. It's just some events have happened that have made me think this way.
Thanks for listening.
Proverbs 31:10 Who can find a virtuous women? For her price is far above rubies. (KJV)
Doing your best is all that God requires. From the little bit that I've seen, you do a great job with Elijah. Your husband is lucky to have a wife he can trust to raise his child while he's at work. You said your husband prefers the natural look and that's great and all, but he should be just as happy when he sees how happy and confident curling your hair and putting on makeup makes you feel. I've seen several women just "let themselves go" after getting married/having a child (example: looking like they just dragged themselves out of bed when they go out)...he should appreciate the effort you put into looking nice when you go out. If you ever find the "secret" to being a Proverbs 31 woman then let us all know! =)
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