Well weekends is what I live for. This weekend seemed a little more stressful then usual. It started out with me staying up all night Friday night and cleaned the entire 
Matthew is great, don't get me wrong, but I'm tired of being his maid. I clean things for him, wash his clothes for him, fix his plate for him, clean the kitchen after him, I do everything but clean his dorm room for him. I know this is all my fault, and he says thank you, but I'm tired of it. I've told him, he's spoiled, wanna know what he says? He say's, "Yep, sure am" He knows he's spoiled. He knows, I'm tired of doing these things. I don't mind doing it most of the time. But sometimes he needs to do things himself. Like I said, he's a great guy, and I love him to death, but sometimes he gets on my nerves. I'm not going to blame the military, because he's the same. I've had this problem before. But not this bad....Also, while I'm on this rant, I have to say something about people complaining about the militry. The militray doesn't change a person. Yes, a person may be changed after going through Basic, but it's there own freewill to change, or come back to there sences. I'm not taking a shot at anyone, or trying to be mean, I'm just voicing my opinion. But, the military aslo, doesn't control you. It controls your pay and some what of where you live, but does not control your life. Only you can control something that powerful. And if you have God in your life, you know that the military doesn't control you. I know that sometimes I get frustrated with Tech School, or the militray period. But, I have to take a look back, and tell myself, and say a prayer, "ok, God, I know that you hear me, and I know that you have your hand in this situation. Help me control my emotions, thank you, Amen" I have to take a step back and take a breath. It's your choice if you let the military control you. I think I'm done with that one... :) sigh
OK, on to something else that is bugging me.. My parents. I know, I said I wanted nothing else to do with them, because of the way they have treated me. But, I would have liked a response from my mom, after the last letter I sent her. I don't know. Her just not responding, seems like a cowardly way out. Like, does she really not want anything to do with her daughter for the rest of her life? I mean, I'm her daughter. God gave her to me, as a mother, and me to her, as a daughter. Our relationship can't be done, can it? This really just hit me. The only reason it hit me, is because my brothers fiance's relationship status said singel. So I was like. hmm wonder whats up? Maybe she forgot to change it. So, I asked her, and my brother had been emotionaly, and verbaly abusing her. :O I wasn't really shocked, and I told her this.. But they has broken off there engagment over a week ago, and I was clueless, and he is living with my parents. Not a shocker, once again. He'll always be there favorite, but he will get kicked out again, him and my dad don't get along. Which means, my dad will want to kick him out, and my mom wont like it, and then my dad and my mom wil fight about it, my mom will tell my dad, my brother stays or she goes too, and then she will leave, because my dad wont give in, then bam. They are where they started, and Mandy, and Matthew are no where to be found. I am thinking about changing our numbers as well. Only giving them to certin people. Then my family could never reach me. I know, I'm sitting here sad about not hearing from them, and wanting to change my number? Makes no sense, I know. It's just a frusrtating situation, and I don't think I could ever really completly explaine it, unless you knew everything was there from the very beginging...
Anyways, sorry about that. The title of this blog is going to be an old Terri Clark song. I love this song, and it makes me think of Matthew each and every time I hear it. I sing it everytime, as well. It's called Now That I Found You. It's really awesome. If you have never heard it, listen to it. It's great. Terri Clark Now That I Found You Since I posted the link, I will not be posting the lyrics. I would like my readers to get more actived in my blog. Tell me what you think of the song, and tell me what you think of my thoughts. I'm always up for opinions, and advice. :)
Don't forget that God is a God of Love, hope, and joy. He will never leave us. He has made us a promise. If no one sticks with there promises, he does.
Mandy, I know exactly what you mean about living for the weekend, things definitely used to be like that for me. I would get SO upset about it because it just seems like no way to live. Just getting through the week, and life starts on the weekend. But that is how the whole world lives I guess.
ReplyDeleteAbout Matthew being messy, I definitely went through that with Justin. People are lying when they say military people are clean freaks because they TOTALLY are not! When we first moved in I worked SO hard to keep this place nice, because it was the nicest place we had ever lived, it was OUR first place, I wanted it to stay nice so we could have company at any time and I just had a lot of reasons and I worked hard and Justin knew I was working hard. After a while I just gave up because he did not even try to keep things halfway clean because he KNEW I would pick it up. We got into a fight over it, and I just had to stop. I stopped doing it. That is my suggestion, let it get bad, let it get REAL bad and a horrible mess. Don't do a thing and that will show him how much you really do when its not getting done! People think being a housewife is easy, but its not. We work hard and don't get paid for it, while our husbands are at their jobs what do you think they are doing? Cleaning and crap like that, but they get paid for it! I would get so mad at Justin because he acted like what he did everyday was hard and I heard later that half the time he was freaking doing the same stuff I did at home!
I also think you hit the head on the nail when you said the stuff about the military, it DOES NOT change you and it definitely DOESN'T control you. I cringe when I see people saying that to new wives or girlfriends, because they say, oh the military is going to change your man so much, he is going to be so much better! No, he is going to be the same man, he is going to have the same flaws, he is still gonna have the same love for you, he is gonna have the same sense of humor, whatever issues you have i am sorry, you are still gonna have them with him, the military doesn't magically fix someone, he is NOT going to change for the better or for the worse.
I do understand about your family, I mean like you said, your mom is your mom, you will always love her, but you may be better off without her. It reminds me of my best friend from highschool, we had a falling out a while back over her listening to other people about me and what I was doing. None of it was true, but she listened to them anyway. We have been out of each others lives for a long time and I miss her to death and I still like to know what is going on with her, but we were bad for each other. She was a bad influence on my life, she drank a lot, partied a lot, got me to do a lot of stupid things, and all of that stopped once we stopped being friends. She is still the same, but I am not, now different things are important to me. I miss her a lot, we had a lot of fun together, and she was a GREAT friend, but it would just be bad to have her in my life again. I know its not my mom, but it feels kinda the same to me.
Btw, listened to your song, my first time hearing it, its cute, I really like it!
Laura, all I can say is thanks,.. for being a great friend. Things in my mind are just all tangled up, and I need to sort them out.
ReplyDeleteDust is always saying how good he has it and I dont see it. I mean. I do but I dont lol makes sence rite? when i was working i had this feeling but since in not working too much it makes me feel bad hes working hard and im here cleaning and suck. I mean the other day I decided to read for a while and it turned into reading for 3.5 hours and leaving laundry and cleaning the bathrooms undone :( so naturaly after he was home and we talked about our day i told him i felt so bad i read instead of what i should have done. like thats my job and i failed :( i dont know why i feel that way i shouldnt, us wives do alot that goes unseen. but he finaly told me hes sick of me feeling like i dont do enough. But when we are doing enough they never notice so one way or another I under stand how you feel with your husband. I prolly just rambled there sorry very tired lol And I AGREE 1000000% on the military dosent change you, you change you. I hear this so much and wish I could have said what you said above.
ReplyDeletewow i posted that with a lot of errors ;( Im sorry. def need sleep.
ReplyDeleteThanks Katie, and your errors are ok with me. I'm not perfect, and I mess up a lot too. :) Thanks for the comment. I know that if I talked to Matthew about this, he would understnad. But your right, we do a lot that goes unseen.
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