Movie Night with Some Girls

Tonight I'm having a Christmas Movie night with some girls. I'm so excited. Matthew leaves to go to work pretty soon, and then my girls will be on there way over. I know for sure we'll be watching A Christmas Card. Thats a great movie. Matthew and I watched it the yesterday. If you haven't seen it, it's a movie about a Army Sergeant who gets a Christmas card from a lady he has never met before... Well, I'd rather just leave it at that. It's a really good movie. Look it up, or go try to rent it or something.
Here are my friends that are coming over. Melissa, she has a 14 month old daughter, and has been married almost 2 years to a great guy. Her and I are the same age. She's super sweet, and would do anything for you. My friend Jessica, she's the same age as Matthew and is in college. She has no kids, but loves them to death. She's also a very sweet girl, her and I have become very close just within a few months. We go to the same church. My friend Heather, she will be 20 near the end of December. She has an 8 week old baby girl. She's been married a little over a year. She's a sweet, soft spoken girl. I wish she would come out of her shell a little more. Her baby girl is one week older then Elijah, and yet he looks like he could eat her. I'm so excited to have these girls over. I don't get to hang out with them very much an I think tonight we're going to have a lot of fun. I'm providing hot chocolate, and movies and I'm hoping they come bearing sweet food. haha
Elijah has been doing much better. Matthew thinks he's been eating too much, when we feed him with a bottle. Because today when Matthew fed him, he ate 3 ounces burped really well and was very content. No spit up or anything. I can't stop nursing. I don't mind feeding him some, very little, formula but at 5 in the morning when he wakes up to eat usually I nurse him and he goes right back to sleep, this morning he didn't, since it was a bottle, and not me. So, I ended up nursing him so he would go back to sleep. I love my little pumpkin, and hate that he was sick. Now he seems to be feeling better and not spitting up. He hasn't spit up at all today. So, thats a good sign.
Well he's awake now, I better go feed him before he gets to cranky. I'm glad I'm blogging again, and I'm glad that everything is much better in the Flippen House. Hope you enjoyed!

Two Days in a Row...

Hello everyone! I haven't done two days in a row in a while. It's makes me feel all happy and warm inside. Well to start off, the weather here in Missouri makes me so sad. This whole week they have been calling for snow on tomorrow, well I watch the news last night and they say, oh well we over shot it, we wont be seeing snow, or much rain for that matter. It will be cold and wet tomorrow.

Matthew wants to go see the New Chronicles of Narnia Movie, which is fine with me, but I really wanted Stephanie, our pastors wife, to watch Elijah, and she can't. I know I have all these people who have said, "oh if you ever need anyone to watch Elijah, I'll do it" But I feel weird asking people to watch him. I know all my friends would love to watch him, but I'd rather him stay here at our house because then he'll have his swing and be in his environment. Matthew says "it's not that hard to sign someone on base." But It just seems like a big hassle. I've got to be the one to find someone to watch him, I've got to the be one to sign the person on base, I've got to tell the person well this is what he normally does, this is what he eats, this is how much... blah blah blah... lol! Maybe that's the mom in me that just doesn't want to leave her baby. Anyways...

Today has been a pretty good day. I went to see a friend this morning. She's such a sweetheart and reassured me that everything I am feeling is normal. Matthew and I have talked a little today, but not much. Just a few words here and there. Now he's off to work and he said when he gets home, or tomorrow or some time we'll talk. I hope it turns out good. I can only pray for a good outcome. I want us to be able to talk. Talking is the key to everything. I just want to feel myself again, I don't want to feel crappy, crabby, or anything like that. I'm not going to lie, I don't feel pretty. I am down to my pre pregnancy weight, but I don't have clothes that fit, and my two jeans that do fit, one the zipper is broken, so I have to wear a long shirt with them and my other ones have holes ALL OVER them, so I have to wear black stalkings with them. I feel like all my clothes aren't pretty enough, and I know we can't just go out and buy things when I want them. We've never been able to do that, but I want to feel pretty, I want to feel appreciated. I want to feel as if I belong here.

Well that's enough about all of that. I don't want to end up like yesterday's blog. I'm going to end this saying, I know that God has a plan and a purpose. I know that I'm in Missouri for a reason. I know that I'm going through this hard time to learn something. I just gotta keep truckin' it. I'm not going to give up, and I'm not going to let Satan win. God is much stronger and I know that if I keep praying and keep believing I will overcome this mess.

Thank you everyone who has prayed for me. God is really working in me.

Scared of the Outcome...

Sorry, it's a while. I've been so busy with trying to keep the house clean and trying to take care of Elijah. My days are running together and things are buliding up. I've got a lot on my mind today and just need a lot of prayer. I've been told that I'm a strong woman and that I can handle everyting, but I'm starting to doubt those words. I'm just scared of the outcome of things right now. I wish I could say I have a fun marriage or a great time when my husband is home, but right now I can't say that. I'd be lying. I wish I could just run away to Georgia a lot. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and even told my mother in law that it's a good thing we don't have two cars, because I'd be in Georgia without even thinking twice. I know right now God is teaching me a lot. He's teaching me how to balance being a daughter, wife, and a mother. And it might now sounds hard, but it's harder then some people think it is. I'm not regreting having Elijah, and none of this is his fault. He's a baby, he can't help himself, but I am regreting how I've treated Matthew latley, and regreting the Air Force at this moment. If he wasn't in the Air Force I know for sure we'd be in Georgia, and maybe God took me away to teach me to depend on him, and to teach me how to communicate with Matthew, but it takes two to communicate and to work on things. Don't get this the wrong way, Matthew isn't the big bad guy that it may sound like I'm putting him out to be, but I feel as if I'm really trying and he's not. I'm holding back when we fuss, I keep my voice down for a change. I just wish he could see how bad he hurts me when he says some things, how bad it hurts when he doens't do some things. I know a baby puts a strain on your relationship, but I think we had much more to learn and didn't learn everything that God wanted us to before Elijah got here. Now those of you reading this, don't worry, I'm not going to leave Matthew and divorce him. We agrueed before we got married that, divoce was NOT an option. It NEVER will be an option. We said "I DO" in front of our families and more importnaly in front of God, and God is working in my heart as I type this, I know. I just really need some encouraging words and some prayer right now. I'm hurting inside and just need to know that I'm going to be ok. I've talked to my mother in law about somethings, and she helped for some of it, and I thank her so much for everything, but I just HATE feeling the way I do. Is it normal to feel this way? I know I shouldn't feel like I need to leave for a little while. Who wants to leave there husband for a week or so and hope that shows him somehitng? I'm sorry if some of you think i'm nuts. I'm really not. I just am asking for some encouraging words and prayer. If you could let me know you're praying for me or something I'd like it. I hate to leave my blog so mixed up like this, but I have a crying baby and I have to go see if he needs me. 

Thank you all in advance, here's a picture of Matthew's mom, his dad me, Matthew and Elijah :)

God's Looking Down on Us

Well so much has been going on once again. Matthew has been on swings this past week, and next week up until Thanksgiving he'll be on days. I guess they are going to flip him around from dasy to swings. I have to say I love swings! He can go places with me during the day, help me get appointments taken care of, help me out with Elijah, and housework.. Which we need to work on him helping me with housework, he doesn't quite understand that I don't need to ask him every time to help me out. He needs to see that things need to be done and help out, we are getting there though. :)
Well, right now Elijah is sleeping. Praise God! He's got bad gas, and its not that it stinks, but it's painful for him. :( Makes me a very sad mommy. I've looked at a list of food to not eat and then I questioned myself, well, what can I eat!? The list had a lot of good foods on it. But I'm going to try and get some gas drops for my little man. Hope that helps. Next week will be Elijah's first raod trip. 12 hours, nonstop, and of course we are going to have to stop to get gas, feed Elijah, change him, and to get out of the car and walk around. So, it will probably take closer to 15 hours... But, we are going to Virgina, to see Matthew's Nanny and Papa, and the rest of his family. His sisters will there, and so will his parents. Elijah will be a month old once Matthew's parents get to see him. He will be almost two months old when my paretns and family get to see him. Makes me sad that everyone can't see him at the same time, but I have to keep telling myself that Jeremiah, Matthew's brother, wont be able to see him til he's almost a year old. He's over in Afganastan. But, we don't have a travel swing and Elijah loves his swing, so I hope this trip goes ok. We were going to stay in a hotel while we were there in Virgiana, but Matthew's mom told me that her sister has a house that she isn't using and we could use it, so she called her and asked and it was a no brainer, we get to use the house. :) That way we can save some money. I forgot she wasn't using the house. This is just shows me that God is looking down on us and watching over us.
Matthew and I are doing pretty ok. We are ready for when Elijah starts laughing, and giggling. He's already smiling, and it's a great thing to see that when you look at your baby. Well this is enough for now. I can't wait to find out how much Elijah weighs... My little pumpkin. His legs are so chuncky, and his cheeks are so chubby. I just Love him!

Life... Up's, Down's, Twists' and Turns

So much has changed since my last post. I gave birth to my son, Elijah Micheal Flippen on October 23 at 12:42 pm. He has given me joy, happiness, and sleepless nights. He finally gained his birth weight back. He's now almost sitting at 9 pounds. He was born 8 pounds 9 ounces. He came home at 7 pounds 13 ounes. We are slowly getting him used to sleeping in his crib. We play our itunes for him to listen to. He seems to like that. I seem to be healing pretty ok. My hormones are still all over the place, which is normal for a breastfeeding mom I've been told. I'm ready to have a new normal. Since I know that we wont have what we used to have, now we have to plan around Elijah. If it's too cold for him outside, if the drive is to long, is our car good enough for a trip. When it was just Matthew and I we knew ok, well if the car breaks down thats ok, we can wait til someone gets here, but now we aren't just looking out for ourselves, we have a baby now that we have to take care of. I sometimes feel like I'm doing a good job with Elijah, and sometimes I feel like I do a horrible job. I sometimes ask God if I really am the right mom for him. I don't know what I'm doing is the right thing to do. I get so upset so fast sometimes. I just get frustarted sometimes, I'm sure it's normal, but sometimes I get mad at myself for being upset at my son.

On a differrent note... I keep thinking about Texas. I miss it so much. I miss living at Sheppard so much. I don't know why. I feel like if we could move back there I'd be so happy. Although in Matthew's Career we can't move there unkess he becomes a Tech School instructor. Which I wouldn't mind that. ;) Well I'm going to post a few pictures, and I'm done for the day. :)