Scared of the Outcome...

Sorry, it's a while. I've been so busy with trying to keep the house clean and trying to take care of Elijah. My days are running together and things are buliding up. I've got a lot on my mind today and just need a lot of prayer. I've been told that I'm a strong woman and that I can handle everyting, but I'm starting to doubt those words. I'm just scared of the outcome of things right now. I wish I could say I have a fun marriage or a great time when my husband is home, but right now I can't say that. I'd be lying. I wish I could just run away to Georgia a lot. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and even told my mother in law that it's a good thing we don't have two cars, because I'd be in Georgia without even thinking twice. I know right now God is teaching me a lot. He's teaching me how to balance being a daughter, wife, and a mother. And it might now sounds hard, but it's harder then some people think it is. I'm not regreting having Elijah, and none of this is his fault. He's a baby, he can't help himself, but I am regreting how I've treated Matthew latley, and regreting the Air Force at this moment. If he wasn't in the Air Force I know for sure we'd be in Georgia, and maybe God took me away to teach me to depend on him, and to teach me how to communicate with Matthew, but it takes two to communicate and to work on things. Don't get this the wrong way, Matthew isn't the big bad guy that it may sound like I'm putting him out to be, but I feel as if I'm really trying and he's not. I'm holding back when we fuss, I keep my voice down for a change. I just wish he could see how bad he hurts me when he says some things, how bad it hurts when he doens't do some things. I know a baby puts a strain on your relationship, but I think we had much more to learn and didn't learn everything that God wanted us to before Elijah got here. Now those of you reading this, don't worry, I'm not going to leave Matthew and divorce him. We agrueed before we got married that, divoce was NOT an option. It NEVER will be an option. We said "I DO" in front of our families and more importnaly in front of God, and God is working in my heart as I type this, I know. I just really need some encouraging words and some prayer right now. I'm hurting inside and just need to know that I'm going to be ok. I've talked to my mother in law about somethings, and she helped for some of it, and I thank her so much for everything, but I just HATE feeling the way I do. Is it normal to feel this way? I know I shouldn't feel like I need to leave for a little while. Who wants to leave there husband for a week or so and hope that shows him somehitng? I'm sorry if some of you think i'm nuts. I'm really not. I just am asking for some encouraging words and prayer. If you could let me know you're praying for me or something I'd like it. I hate to leave my blog so mixed up like this, but I have a crying baby and I have to go see if he needs me. 

Thank you all in advance, here's a picture of Matthew's mom, his dad me, Matthew and Elijah :)