Ok, so, I know that God has a plan for our life. I feel like this is the right way, but sometimes I feel like it's not. I don't want to tell him this. He's happy. He's only in tech School, he's going for his Green Rope. Which he has his test this morning at 0800. I hope he passes. He wants this really bad, but I want a baby really bad. And I started my period last week. It's gone, and we are still not preventing, and not trying either. I've had an ovulation test kit, for a while appartley, it's out dated. I looked last night to look at the directions, and to see when I should test and it's dated for May 09, and my EPT was dated for March 09. So I"m out of that. :(. He had to go see a shrink about his PRP, and that wasn't good. Something came up about him going to a conuslor when he was younger, and the shrink wanted to know why he put on all his applications that he had never been to a conuslor, and Matthew said, bc I forgot. It was a long time ago, and I don't remeber anything about it. What did the shrink ask him?... Did it help? (what did Matthe wjust say? It was a long time ago, he doesn't remeber anything from it) so he told him I guess. We never went back.. (lol) So, If something comes of this, He could be reclassified to another job, and who knows how long that would take, if we would have to move, or whatever. I know, that whatever happens in the long run is what is best, I know that God is in control. Sometimes I need to be reminded yes, but, I know that God has his hand in all that we do, and that i shouldn't be worried, but It's human nature to worry! Lets see, what else is new?....
Matthew phases up this weekend. :) that is good. We've had some good/bad times, we are stuggling to make ends meet, but I know that all will be fine. (if I stop spending money, i buy things I need though. Not clothes, or shoes, but food, and Christmas, I'm not even buying Christmas for my family, just his, bc we had to draw names before i left GA STUPID) anyways, we are short on money and I want a baby. Thats real smart. I hate feeling like this. I don't mean to, but I guess this is out of my control. I've always wanted to be a mom, and (I think most women do) but, there is always this thought in the back of my mind asking myself, are you infertal? And I tell myself, NO, of course not. You can have babies, but why do I tell myself that? Am I kidding myself? This is what I have to deal with... (yeah it's kind of funny, but very annoying at the same time) Whatever, anyways.
Air Foce Life. Am I ready for the change? (I better be, I'm already an Air Force Wife) I hate it because some girls expect you to know things that you don't, and some girls are just plain mean. (maybe that is why I hung out with guys mainly) I love most of my girls, they are sweet, and help me out. But, come on am I kidding myslef again? Can I hang with the girls? I'm not a outgoing kind of person. I've made myself become another kind of person to fit it. In Highschool I hung out with the weird-os. How I met this amazing guy? GOD! No I'm not kidding this time. God/ Fate (whatever you want to call it) brought us together. He's the only person that can understand me, and most of the time, we fight. Because we don't understand each other. I've put this on myself. I married someone that was way out of my age (maturity) range. He's so far ahead of me. But he works with me. He know's so much, about Everything. And he's so smart. He makes me so mad when he doesn't apply himself. Like right now I bet he could have the highest grade in his class. He made a 98 on the ASVAB, and on his final in BMT he made another 98. He would have been honor if he could have gotten his PT in gear. That I don't blame him on. That was somehting he wasn't used to. Ok, let me back up, we don't fight all the time, just when we aren't communitcating, or understanding each other (when I'm acting like a child) I'm 19. I have that right, but I"m married, so do I really? It makes me mad when he does things that I don't understand, and he expects me to understand, but I do the same to him. Sorry this blog is probably really confusing. Sorry. I just need to get my thoughts out, then I"ll feel better. :)
So, I think I'm done now. That would be good wouldn't it?... Yeah I think I"m done. I'm glad I came back to Blogspot. It's helping me.
Sorry that was so long, but I feel better know :)
ReplyDeleteIt is hard :\ The thing is, our husbands go through BMT and tech school, and they're "trained" for it. We are just thrown into the Air Force and expected to deal. Idk if that makes any sense, but it does to me. It's really hard to just automatically adjust to this whacky lifestyle. Like, for instance, when Mark is told to do something extra in tech school, he was fine with it. And he's like "Well, that's just how it is." But.. in my mind.. I'm like NO! That isn't fair!! :\
ReplyDeleteIs any of this making sense? hahahaha.
I highly doubt that I will ever get "used" to the Air Force. The good news is that once you get to your base, it literally is like he just has a regular job. Mark just works a totally normal shift, comes home for lunch, and is home by 4:10pm. We hardly mention the Air Force, as a matter of fact. So it does get better, I promise! :) Hopefully Matthew will have wondeful hours. In fact, he should basically know the hours he'll have.. Mark's teachers told them all what their hours would be! So you should have him ask :) I really hope things get easier! And I hope things get easier for myself, as well :)
OH yeah makes a lot of sense. Trust me. MAtthew told me earlier today, "I might be able to get my yellow rope before we go home for Christmas" And I said, "ok, how" He said oh voulenterring at the CQ... I was like WHAT no. That takes away our time. But whatever. I'm going to have to deal with it either way. HE wants it bad enough, he's not going to let stop him. But thanks. I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks this way.
ReplyDelete