Is ready for calmness

Before I start saying anything I must say, today Elijah celebrated his 3 month birthday! He's been out of my belly for 3 whole months. I'm so excited to see what the next 3 months bring... or the next 3 years!! He probably won't have a big My First Birthday, one because family won't be able to make it, and two Matthew and I don't see the point in throwing away a lot of money on things he won't even remeber. We will probably have a cake and some close friends... Which is ok with me. :)

Well today has been an ok day so far. Matthew took Matthew and Elijah out to lunch, and it was great! Elijah let us enjoy or salad before waking up. which isn't normal for him, he ALWAYS wakes up when we eat, doesn't matter what it is, any type of food, he wakes up. Then Matthew fed him for me while I ate, then I finished feeding him while Matthew ate. Elijah was really happy after he ate. It was nice to be out, with my little family eating and having a good time. One of the happiest times this whole week I've had.

Tonight, was another story. I gave Elijah a bath, went upstairs, fed him, rocked him and sang to him, then tried putting him in his crib. It didn't work out the way I wanted it too. He screamed his head off..., for a while, Matthew went up to try to help me out, and that didn't work.. Don't get me wrong, we don't let him cry forever before we go up, it was maybe 5-10 minutes, then we go up. Then we let him cry some more, then I finally went up with my cell phone with some white noise and put it in his crib and he went out, like a light. So, now I'm blogging and I cleaned up the kitchen and helped my husband with some laundry, yes I said helped my husband with some laundry. He's on laundry duty, since I can't seem to do it right now..

I know there is a lot going on with myself right now, but I'm getting help. My pastors wife is going to help me out, and sit down and talk to me Friday, and then I asked if the next day or next time we can get my pastor and Matthew to join us, and she said that would be a great idea. I know I need some help. I'm not happy, I'm not eating right, enough and I don't want to do anything. I noticed it myself, and I asked for help, so I know I'm on the right track, so please just pray for me.

That's enough about that. Thanks for reading my crazy thoughts and praying for me. It truly means a lot. I do hope that, if anyone else, that is reading this needs help or prayer, or anything don't feel ashamed to ask for it. It will ease a big burden off of your shoulders.

Going away from Facebook

Welp most of you know already, I'm staying away from Facebook, which if you didn't know, it means I'm going to stop posting status's. I will contiune to post pictures, and stalk my people, but there is a lot going on right now and I ned to stop pouring it all over facebook. I'm actually glad I did not spill everything on Facebook, and I'm glad I cought myslef, I've noticed myself being different lately, and just need to isolate myself. If you want to talk to me, you can call me or text me. You can find my number on my facebook page. Just text me and tell me who you are. I like that a lot of my friends oppose to me not leaving facebook, but I just need too. I thought I would explain it.
This post is now done. I hope I'm not missed that much, or I guess it's a good thing I will be. I love you all so much! I just need me time, to figure somethings out. I will try to update my blog, but it's hard for me to tell you good things, when there aren't many good things going on with me. I don't lie, and I wont lie, but I don't want all my business out there for the world to see.

Love you all!  ♥

Another Day, Another Memory

I am feeling very happy with how today went.

Today I let Elijah stay in his PJ's all day. I would have too, but I did that yesterday. He was a very happy baby until he got tired, then he took like a 2 hour nap, in his carseat. Better then a swing I guess. I was able to fold some clothes this morning, and get some dishes done, my house is a WREAK! That is a long story, but I am slowly getting it back to normal.

Elijah is my world, I love him more than anything! MAtthew is the same, he is my world and I love him more than anything. They both have stolen my heart, and everytime I look at the both of them, there eyes melt my heart. Elijah is looking more and more like Matthew each and every day. Elijah talks, coos, all the time, and smiles all the time. I love it so much. It's still hard to think that I'm a mom, I look down at him and I see myself thinking, wow, this is my son, I'm responsable for him. I have to teach him right from wrong, I have to make sure he know's that mommy and daddy love him. I have to make sure he know's that God loves him. I haveto make sure he knows that Nana, Pawpaw, Mema, and Papaw loves him, since he will only see them once a year, at least thats the way it's looking for now. I want all the best for my son, I want my son to grow up in a loving home, a place that he doesn't have to worry about not having food, a place that he doesn't have to worry if mommy and daddy have to move because they can't afford it. A place that the Lord has provided. I want my son to know that the Lord prvoides all of your NEEDS, I want my son to know all of this, and not worry. I worry enough for me and 10 other people. I don't need my son to worry either.
Anyways, enough with that, just wanted to share that with you. I think it's safe to say Elijah has been asleep in his crib for over an hour now. Thank you Lord. I hope this whole transtion to crib, from swing gets easier. Please keep me in your prayers for that.

Last night I had a slight break down. I have been so stressed lately, and Eliah was screaming and I was trying to stay calm, and I had to put him down and go get Matthew and I looked at him and told him I couldn't do it. I started crying, and Matthew just hugged me and told me to calm down that it would be ok. He wnet in Elijah's room and held him and rocked him to sleep. What a great husband?! I just wish somethings were different... I'm not going into that though. I just need to be greatful that he is here with me, and helps sometimes.

Anyways, I've been wanting some chocolate SO bad today. Makes me sad that we don't have any. I hope I get some kind of chocolate fix, oh I know, I'll make me some hot chocolate! :-) Well goodnight bloggers!

A few Random Facts

Here are some random facts about me that I've been thinking about lately. I just htought I would share them with you.

       Sometimes....

-I don't think I'm a good enough mom.
-I bit my nails and lie to Matthew and say I'm not
-I wish I would have waited to get married, I wonder where I'd be.
-I wish I could run away.
-I feel like I'm not a good enough wife.
-I want to be back in school, college, not high school. Too much drama.
-I wish I had more money in savings.
-I wish I could get my hair and nails done, and have a spa day, without worrying about if I've spent too much money.
-I wish my online friends were at the same base. Esp the ones who go through, and are going through the same thing I am.
-I feel like I am fat.
-I feel like I'm ugly.
-I hate the way my house looks.
-I wish I could blog more.
-I wish Matthew and I could buy better gifts for our family at Christmas time.
-I wish I lived so much closer to home.
-I feel like I have no life.
-I hope that people would come visit me and not worry how I look or how my house looks.
-I wish people would invite me over, or pay more attention to me.

Ok, now I'm done. I'm def not asking for your pity, I just thought I would share these few things with you. I know not all the people that read my blog don't know me, and thats ok. If you keep reading my blog, you'll learn me. I write things that are true, and I write what I am feeling. I love that I can come here and not feel like someone is judging my every thought. I'm not the most perfect person, and I will never be. I'm not the best wife, or best mom, but I am learning. It takes time to be good at something. It takes time to come to realize you need help, and I know I need help with somethings in my life. I'm not sure what those things are yet, but I know I get too upset about little things, and that needs to stop. Well I guess this is enough so far. I need to get a really tired and crying baby to sleep.
Hope you enjoyed. :)

Hello 2011

Well it has been since last year that I made a post, so I figure I would update everyone. Well so far this year has been testy for me. I've been tested on a lot. My husband and I have argued, Elijah has tested my patience, and I even test myself, not thinking. I know God has a plan for me this year, and I have a few goals for myself. Here they are:

1. Get closer to God.
  He's my creator, my heavenly father, my soul provider. The least I can do is give him the attention he deserves, and more wouldn't hurt.
2.Get closer to my husband.
  He's my husband, my best friend, Elijah's father, and so much more. I need to be more submissive, more respectful to his wishes, and give him the attention he deserves as well.
3. Loose some weight. (15 pounds)
   I'm starting with 15 pounds. I've lost all of my pregnancy weight, thank you Lord, but before I got pregnant I was way overweight, and I need that extra weight gone. I need to feel comfortable with myself, and like myself.


As of right now, that's all that is on my list for this year. Of course I have a few small things I need to work on myself, in my own time, by myself, with God, but right now I'm not going to name those things. I ask those of you who read this pray for me daily, if you can, to help me. I need all the motivation I can get.

Before I leave this post, I just want to thank all the people who I meet last year who are still in my life and who made a difference in my life. I can't wait to see what and who this year brings. I'm so excited to watch my family grow, my baby boy will be 3 months on the 23rd of this month, and I can't believe it! I'll be 21 in May, and Matthew just turned 25! I can't believe how things are going to change in the next few months and how Matthew and I are already changing. God gets all the credit for this. I couldn't imagine how my life would be without him. He's,.. more than words could ever explain. Thank you to everyone! I do hope I can start blogging more, and let you know how my goals are coming along.

God bless everyone in my life, and everyone who reads this. You are all amazing!