Right now I'm listening to Let The Waters Rise, by MikesChair. Why you may ask? Because right now I feel like I have a sea of emotions coming over me. I know I need to listen and stay focused, but it's so hard right now. Matthew comes "home" and tells me that he wants us out of TLF. In a week and a half our 30days will be up, and they wont let us stay any longer. Well I'm not sure how true that is, I know a couple that had to stay in TLF for 6 weeks. Well Matthew says he's not paying over $1,000 to stay in these walls. I tell him with tears, and say with a loud voice that I want to live on base. I don't want to live off base. I tell him all of this and he just says well housing has about two weeks to give us a house, and then we find somewhere off base until they give us a house. I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT!!!!!!
I feel like I"m going to have a nervous breakdown! I am trying to do my best and stay calm, not just for my sake, but for the baby too. Too much stress can cause a lot of different things that I don't want to deal with. I want to smile and say all is ok, but I'm tired of pretending. I want to be happy, forreal. I want to have a good time here, I really do, and I even the day's I get sick, I try to look past it and have a good day. Matthew and I are just having a tough time, and I don't really know why! I'm doing my part. I really am. I'm taking care of my body, I pray every night before I go to bed, I don't want to be attacked my Satan right now. I feel like that what may be going on. I don't know why, either. :( I mean I am listening to my Jesus music, and I just want to cry out. Matthew's talking to his MOM! She can't call me can she? Nope. If I talk to her, I call her, but if she see's I'm sick on facebook, or see's me posting something about my pregnancy she's all over it, saying... "My grandbaby" I may be like this right now because all the things that are going on, but I'm sorry. I'm usually not mean, I promise!....
I just need a hug! I want someone to sit with me, and let me cry and just tell me it's all going to be ok. I don't want to go to my room, because then I'll have to cry alone, and no one will be there to tell me it will be ok, but if i sit here and listen to him talk to his mom any longer, I'm going to scream!!! I mean for crying out loud he doens't even like the fact that I'm trying to start a relationship with my mom. :/
I'm done right now.
Honey,I'm so sorry you're feeling this way! I wish you guys got our base because I would get you out of there and we would do things to keep your mind occupied. First off, just take a deep breath. Everything is going to be okay. It will work out! I promise you! Just keep praying. Love ya girl! Chin up!
ReplyDeleteOf course I love that song too! What a great one. All I can say is that I hope a house opens up VERY soon so that you can move in. Is there like one of those furnished hotel things that you can get for a month? Kinda like Wichita Falls had? That's the only thing I can think of to help you :\ I'm sorry you're going through all of this!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Alyssa. You're so sweet, and always here when i need you. Thank you for being such a sweet person and great friend. I'm trying to be paitent and know that sometimes I blow somethings out of propation. But I'll find something to smile about.
ReplyDelete*I have wonderful friends like you
*I have a God who loves me & knows me better then anyone
*I have a wonderful gift growing inside me.
See I'm kinda smiling. I love you girl!
Shannon- We would be paying more if we got a hotel. MUCH MORE! The daily rate here is $41.50 the cheapest hotel around here is $50 or more. :( I know something is going to come up, I just wish Matthew would have more faith right now....
ReplyDeleteIt is really frustrating when you seem to have all of the faith and someone else seems so quick to jump to the next thing. Just remember I'm always here for you if you need me!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're feeling this way girl. I wish I could give you a hug and sit there with you and tell you it will all be okay.
ReplyDeleteI was really frustrated that we couldn't get a house on base when we first moved here either. They said it would be 6-12 months. UGH! But we actually really love being off base because we got a cheaper place so we have some of our base housing money left over which is really nice!
Oh and what if you find an apartment of base that does month to month? If base housing is not available for you right now then if you get a place off base and then they have something for you on base they will have TMO move you from your apartment to on base for free since it's there fault that they didn't have a house ready for you guys when you got here.
Well at least that's how it is here.
I hope you get everything worked out and just remember you're stronger then you think! You will get through this soon and in a few months won't even remember all of this!
Love you girl!
God will provide something. He knows what y'all need and will give it to you. Everything will be ok.
ReplyDeleteThe things that may help you when you get sad might be to remember y'all are healthy and so is the baby.
Remember that you can call me anytime you want to. I may not be there in person but we can always talk on the phone.
I love ya and hope things get better. I'm going to email you some bible verses that I hope will help :)
Sorry you not feeling so well. Everyone goes through tuff time. It will get better. I was the same way when we moved here. We couldnt find a place and our hotel bill was way over 1000 Euros. We had to pay it out of our pockets. I too was getting mad at DJ. I would advise that your husband is just trying to do the best for the two of you. Maybe getting a month to month lease of base until something opens up. Good luck & best wishes..I really hope it works out for the two of you.
ReplyDeleteJessica Segovia
I understand that yall are saying maybe we should get a month to month, well we had one set up before we even got here. But it was the only one in this area. But don't worry I have good news. I love all of your adivce and thank you for all caring so much. I know that Matthew is just trying to help out and relive stress from us. But is all ok now. I thank you all for being here. I know who my real true friends are now. Thanks for showing me.
ReplyDelete