My Father

If God can move a mountain, then I know he can help me out of my slump. He already is helping me more then I know. He got me out out bed, and I'm moving around and I'm alive. So thats a start. If he can conquer the grave then I know that I can help myself, and love myself for who I am. I know that it will be hard, but I need to let go of the past and tell myself the furture is as good as I want it. It's amazing what God can say to someone who is feeling down and blue.

I know I need to get out of the apartment, but I don't like to do things alone. Now that a friend has completly cut me off, I feel alone. I know that i"m not. I know that God is here with me, telling me that he loves me, and that I'm going to be fine. I have to look up to God. He's my father. Not just my heavenly father, but my daddy.

I never got the chance to meet my real Father. I have a step father, but as you can see, he wants nothing to do with me. I know more about my step father then my biological father. Everyone told me I looked just like my step father. I was Daddy's Girl growing up. I know one reason I am so hurt in my life, or I feel bruised or abonded is because I didn't really have anyone to talk to growing up. So, I was the bad child. I lashed out, and did things only some people think of doing. I thought I was daddy's girl. But, as I look back, I didn't have him wrapped around my finger like I thought. He was the one that always punished me. He said, " It hurts me more then it hurts you" I finally learned that was a load of crap when he kicked me out, at the age of 17.

I know things about my Real father. I know his name. I actaully have his cell phone number, he called me out of the blue last summer. First time I'd ever heard from him. I remember seeing him when I was about 9. He took me abd my brother out. Didn't feed us, said he would. We came home very hungry, and filthy. My mom said, never again. And she meant it. My real father, never signed my Birth Certificate. I was fatherless. Anyways, he called me last summer, and wanted to talk. Said he heard I got married. Said he was happy for me. We talked maybe for five minutes, and said he had to get back to work, but he would call me tomorrow. I was slightly looking forward to that. I wanted to meet him some where, in public with Matthew, and us all three talk. Well, tomorrow never came for him. I can assume he died the day he talked to me. Some of you would ask, why don't you call him. Because he told me, he would call me back. I was 19. He never had anything to do with me. I wanted questions answered. He signed my brothers birth certificate, but not mine. Why?

I cam to the conculsion that, he doesn't want anything to do with his kids. Sad to say, he's a dead beat dad. And my mom isn't any better then him. She doesn't want anything to do with her daughter. I am angry inside for many things. The way I was treated as a kid, neither one, my mom or my step dad had anything to do with me. And now they hate me, Why? Because Matthew and I didn't get them anything for Christmas. I'm sorry, we drove over 1,000 miles to be with our families for Christmas, on money we didn't have. I think that was a great Christmas present to give.

I'm angry with my parents, but I know that God doesn't want me to be. I know that God is my father. My daddy. And this daddy, I don't have wrapped around my finger either, but he loves me unconditionally. He forgives me, when I do something wrong. He punishes me, when I don't listen to him. But, he's the best daddy in the world. I wouldn't trade him for anything. My God, is My daddy. I wanted you all to know that. My God is great, how great you ask... So, great, they sing songs about him. I wil forever worship my God, because he rescued me from the things that I couldn't handle, and the people that don't deserve me.

I hope you enjoyed this. I enjoyed writing it.                                
  

This is something my God made. Isn't it beautiful?

 I love his outside nature.

        This is a Child Of God,

        I always will be.