Do you really want to know this un-perfect person? I have flaws just like you.

As I sat in bed the other night, I started thinking. How much do my readers, and friends really know about me. I don't know how long this list maybe. It could be short, or long. I have a few things in mind, but afterwards whatever comes out, comes out. Here it goes.

1. I started smoking at the age of 16. Didn't really stop until I was early 19. Matthew told me he wouldn't date me if I smoked, or cursed, so I stopped; when he was around. My life at home was too stressful, and school wasn't that great either.
2. Matthew is the only person in my whole family that knows every little thing about me. My family esp parents never knew, and if I have anything to say/do about it will never know about me smoking. Thats the last thing i need.
3. I make myself feel horriable about quitting school. Not only does my family judge me about it, even though they don't say they do, I know they do. I know it was stupid on my part, but I thought I knew my life, and what I wanted to do. But then when I think about quititng school, I tell myself, "stop! You started college, and you're going to finish!"
4. I'm very self conscious about my size. Not only am I a big person, I have big feet and big fingers. I know I can't do anything about my feet or fingers, but my weight I can. I do eat right. I love Vegeis, and friuts, but for some reason weight gets worse every time. I hate it. I feel people judging me when they look at me. Girls that are skinny and call themselves fat, tick me off more then anything.
5. Those who lie, I hate the most. I have it when people lie to me. It's the worst thing you can do it me. I guess since I lied growing up, and finally figured out that it's not good, and saw what it did to my family, I hate.
6. Even though Matthew and I have been married for a little over 2 years, I have broken his trust more then twice. It makes me feel horrible and I don't do it on purpose. For example, I told him I stopped smoking, He found out every time I started again. The last time I told him. I saw how bad it hurt him. I completly lost my husbands trust, and I never saw how he give it back to me, but he did. I have yet to break it again.
7. Of the whole time Matthew and I have been married I've seen him cry twice. Once he was very upset with him mom. They were fighting about a few months before he left for BMT. He was so mad, he scared me. The second time, he was upset with me. recent. He was mad, yet upset because he had upset me. He only cries when he is mad.
8. Our whole marriage we've seen each other maybe one whole year. We haven't been together like a "normal" married couple. He was a truckdriver, we worked sepearte shifts at the same job for several months. Then he went to BMT, and even while we are here at Tech School together, we aren't together.
9. I shouldn't have moved to Tech School. It was not apart of God's plan for me. I should have stayed in college, or got a job. It's been proven to us. But I still wouldn't trade the days that we've had. For the money we could have saved.
10. Spiders and Snakes are my worst fear. as animals I hate them with a passion. You will never get me to touch a snake, or a spider. I will never have one as a pet.
11. I have my dream house all planned out. The whole thing. How big I want it. Where I want it. How I want the landscape to look. I'm a big dreamer.
12. I used to want to be a country singer. It was my thing. I love to sing. I feel like I have a horrible voice since I haven't done anything with it. I know I will never be a country singer, I don't have money to get lessons, or to go out and sing in front of crowds.
13. I've only been to one concert in my whole life. It was superchick with Matthew. In 2006. Right before we started dating. It was awesome. He's not a concert person though. So, he kind of made it boring. He is quite and not the jumpy type. lol
14. I have my dream wedding all planned out. Even though I've already gotten married, I want to do it over. Still thinking about it. It wouldn't be my dream wedding though. And I would never be satisfied with it.
15. I try to be a people pleaser. I'm starting to learn I can't please everyone. It's too hard, and very impossible with my beliefs, and my opinions. So, I'm starting to show people that I'm not perfect. Never will I be, nor do I want to be. Why would you want to be perfect? You would never learn from your mistakes.

I think I am done. Sorry if it's so long, or if I have mispelled words. Spelling was my worst subject. Still is, and so is Math. I would love to see what you all thought this. I hope you have learned more about me, and appericate me as a person.