So much has changed since my last post. I gave birth to my son, Elijah Micheal Flippen on October 23 at 12:42 pm. He has given me joy, happiness, and sleepless nights. He finally gained his birth weight back. He's now almost sitting at 9 pounds. He was born 8 pounds 9 ounces. He came home at 7 pounds 13 ounes. We are slowly getting him used to sleeping in his crib. We play our itunes for him to listen to. He seems to like that. I seem to be healing pretty ok. My hormones are still all over the place, which is normal for a breastfeeding mom I've been told. I'm ready to have a new normal. Since I know that we wont have what we used to have, now we have to plan around Elijah. If it's too cold for him outside, if the drive is to long, is our car good enough for a trip. When it was just Matthew and I we knew ok, well if the car breaks down thats ok, we can wait til someone gets here, but now we aren't just looking out for ourselves, we have a baby now that we have to take care of. I sometimes feel like I'm doing a good job with Elijah, and sometimes I feel like I do a horrible job. I sometimes ask God if I really am the right mom for him. I don't know what I'm doing is the right thing to do. I get so upset so fast sometimes. I just get frustarted sometimes, I'm sure it's normal, but sometimes I get mad at myself for being upset at my son.
On a differrent note... I keep thinking about Texas. I miss it so much. I miss living at Sheppard so much. I don't know why. I feel like if we could move back there I'd be so happy. Although in Matthew's Career we can't move there unkess he becomes a Tech School instructor. Which I wouldn't mind that. ;) Well I'm going to post a few pictures, and I'm done for the day. :)
Well I know this is an early update from what is normal for me now, but I have a chance to update and I need to get a few things off my chest. I got upset with my shower curtain this morning... That's how I can tell I'm aggravated. All the things that are upsetting me are things that I can't change. Like, I want our families to be here after Elijah is born. I miss our families, especially my mom. I don't even know why though, growing up and right after Matthew and I got married it's like all her and I did was fight and argue, now that I'm 15 hours away I feel like she needs to be here to help me after Matthew goes back to work. And his mom as well. I'd love her to be here and help out and be able to spend some time with her grandson right after he's born. I love both of our moms and now that I'm so far away I wish I could go back and change how I treated both of them. I wish I could go back and take things away and hug them and love them more. I have friends who's families are 3-4 hours away and if they wanted to, they could see them every weekend, but Matthew and I don't have that luxury. Yes, we wanted to be far away, and yes I would still love to be in Montana or Wyoming, they are beautiful states, but I sometimes think it's not fair that I can't see my parents. Knowing they have so much going on right now. Dealing with my nanny's death, having to move away from their house, my dad's health problems.. I'm not asking people to feel sorry for us, I'm not asking for pity. I'm simply just venting about one thing that is upsetting me. This is a main thing for me, and I know I can't change this, because I know our moms can't come. I know that if they did, it would mean they would lose income for both families, they don't have a way to get here. I just wanted to get that off my chest.
I have other things that I need to get off my chest, but I'd rather not talk about it on here. But I'm to the point where I'm going to take a lot of people off my facebook. It's pointless. I'm thinking of keeping my first Air Force wives on there, my family and my friends from back home. I don't talk to many people on there, and I post pictures of me and Matthew for family to see, because like I said earlier, our family is 15 hours away. I'm sick of being the person in the middle of people, but I'd rather be the person in the middle, than the person that everyone despises. I love to help people, and listen to people's problems, but when it's not a legit reason to be mad or upset with me then all I have to say is get over yourself. Matthew has told me so many times to leave people alone, but I try to be such a nice person, and I love having friends. I love being a sweet person and helping people. People that upset me or stress me out have no room in my life. I'm trying to live as an example and trying to be a light, but with road blocks in the way I can't do that. I am very thankful for all the things that God has blessed us with, and so thankful God has brought people into our life to bless us and help us out, but some of those people don't think I'm thankful or grateful. It hurts me to think of this, because I thought I'd gotten over this, but God keeps showing me and putting things in my path to remind me of it, and I think he's doing it to show me that these people I call friends aren't really friends. Matthew and I have asked that God bless these people 10 fold, or 10 times what they've done for us. We don't have the money to take them out, or buy them things, and I thought they knew this.
These are just a few things going on in my mind. I let Matthew read this so he knows what's going on, I know him and I will talk tonight, but until then this is the best way to get it out of my mind for now. I'm sorry for unloading this all on yall, but I know most of you really value my friendship and love me, and most of you have been with me since last year before Matthew went into the Air Force. And I just want to say thank you!! You've all helped me a lot. I know God loves you all, and you all have a specail place in Heaven waiting for you. :)
Things have been interesting lately. I'm not going to lie, but one good thing is I know that I can feel the God around my house. He's been helping out with so much. I love it. God is amazing, and he gets the credit of our child and our marriage. The Lord has sent me a message about our son, I just have to share with everyone. It almost brought tears to my eyes. It was amazing! So, yesterday we had some people come to our house to because we had our warranty walk thru on Wednesday and contractors had to come back on Thursday to fix a few things, like paint some things, fix some cracks, and I had asked about a light switch that didn't work anything in our extra bedrooms, so that meant an electrician came out. So, he came out, he was so sweet and told me that they were for a future ceiling fan, which I don't see Housing allowing us to put one in, but ok... So, as he was leaving he asked when I was due and I told him in two weeks, and he asked if it was a boy, and I said yes. Well on our living room wall I have a certificate that Matthew got when he was doing a Teen Bible Challenge for Church Of God's, and I noticed this had caught the guys eyes, and it looked at it for a few seconds and then said ok, well you have a blessed day. So he comes back in a matter of minutes and say's "I have something to say to you and I hope you can accept it, The Lord has been with me since I left your house and I had to come back and tell you this, Your son is going to be a great and mighty one and he's looking forward to his birth." This brought tears to my eyes, because since Matthew and I come from a Church Of God background, it means a lot for me from someone to prophesy over our son. So, I looked at the guy and said, "Wow, I'm speechless! I don't know what to say." He said, " I just had to tell you that, The Lord didn't want me to leave without telling you that." I told him what our sons name is... Elijah Micheal.. I said, Elijah was a great prophet and then he looked at me and said Micheal was a great angel for the Israelites. It was just amazing and I had to share that with everyone....
I'm so ready for this pregnancy to be done with. I'm sick of being pregnant. I went on a walk, and it was over a mile and a half. I was so proud of myself. I went by myself! We had a great time tonight with some friends at the Community Center. Had a free dinner, and a soda. :) It was nice. This blog is going to be short... I'm sorry. But I'm going to post my favorite picture from my last photo session. Enjoy!
Well I know it's been a while since I've updated and I'm so sorry, please forgive me. Since we don't have internet at home anymore it's kinda been hard to go and find wifi on my own. I thought it would be much easier, but it's not. Since my last update so much has happened. God has been working on my heart and helping me with so much. I got us a small dining room table with the money that I got from babysitting. Matthew fixed two things that were wrong with the car, still more to come on that. We've joined our church. Praise God! I've had to start over with some friends and I've had to cut some off, because they weren't the right ones for me. I've gotten pretty close to one friend. Her name is Heather, and although we don't see each other very often we have a lot in common. We go to the same Church, we are both pregnant, and she's due on Oct 21. One week from me! She's having a girl! She's so sweet! My other wives and I sorta drifted away this past week, but we've talked and worked some things out. :) Thats a good thing. I had to go to an unexpected doc visit this Monday and found out I had a bacteria infection. So, i've been on medication for that. Almost done with it. I can't wait to be done with it. I'm sick of taking it. It's getting much more difficult to walk. It' hurts so bad sometimes. I've been told maybe because he's dropped, his head could be on a bone, or because of the infection. I don't know which is true, but I've been having to get up in the middle of the night to pee all the time now! And I know that's a sign that he's dropped, but I'll ask this coming Wednesday at my appointment. Matthew had a dream last night that I had the baby, and he said it tunred out to be a girl. He said it was weird because he looked at me, then turned away, then turned back and looked at me again and I had the baby in my arms, I said, if only it was that easy. He's been really excited for him to get here, because he wants to hold him. My friend Amanda was induced last Wednesday and then had her daughter on early Thursday morning and we went and seen them and after Matthew held Aliynne we went home and said i'm ready for Elijah to be here, so I can hold him. I thought that was so cute!
Ok, here's an update on how things have been going with Elijah...
I've gained 38 pounds through my whole pregnancy. Lately I haven't gained much. At my last appointment I measured at 39 weeks. I'm not dilated at all. :( I've been doing squats almost every night and walking as much as I can, even through the pain. He's been moving much more now than ever. I'm tired of wearing strechy clothes, i'm ready to be back in my regular clothes, I know that that might be a while, but I'm determinded to lose as much weight as I can. I started out overwiehgt, and I don't want to ever see the scale numbers that I'm seeing during my pregnancy. Some people say, well you are tall, well I'm not that tall! I get horrible indiegestion with everything I eat and drink! Heartburn like crazy!! I've been eating tums like candy. I'm gald they taste good or else I'd be in trouble. I'm def thankful for strechy clothes, because I just really started showing (with a nice cute baby belly) about a month or so ago, and after that, it just keeps growing. I can't see my feet anymore! And I can't wear my wedding rings, which makes me super sad! My midwife seems to think I have a lot of fluid and that he's only going to weight maybe 8 pounds. I'm guessing 8 pounds 2oz. I would love for him to come early but I haven't had a contraction in a while and I'm not dilated, which I know that can happen at any given moment. I'm looking for a new car seat already, because I've washed the one we bought and it still has an odor to it. :( The stroller straps are kinda aggervating, so I'm hoping we can just get a decently cheap one from Wal-Mart.
Life on base has been going pretty ok. I'm pretty content here at Whiteman for now. It stinks that my family wont be able to come here, and if Matthew's family comes it will only be maybe once a year, and that's about the only time we'll be able to go home, once a year. I love that we are here, don't get me wrong, and I love my family, but I didn't think that only seeing family once a year would be kinda hard. LOL! I know I wanted to be far away, but now that Elijah is coming, he'll only see grandparents once a year. It's sad to think about it. When I see my family at Christmas time it will have been almost a year since I've seen them. But, I know I know I kinda asked for this. I just think it's all a learning expernice! Thats how I"m going to look at it. I know God has a lesson in it, and I'm going to figure out what it is. We have an Air Show this weekend. It's called WOW... Wings Over Whiteman. Matthew has to work both days parking cars, 12 hour shifts and I have a baby shower to go to on tomorrow, and then Church on Sunday. It will be the first time we haven't been to church together. But, I've got to learn to go on my own.
Well I'm so sorry this has turned out to be really long, but I guess that's what I get for not updating in a while. :( I hope to be bale to update soon. Love you all, and hope you enjoyed this. :)
